It’s possible that Australians, and Brisvegans in
particular, might be more interested in the G20 if our Prime Minister wasn’t such a
total pillock.
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| The G20, melting |
As this year’s host of the annual get-together of the world’s
leaders, Prime Minister Tony Abbott is the Big Man about town. It won’t be all schmoozing
and shirtfronting at Brisbane’s G20 Summit; there’s economic growthy business
to be done! On the sidelines, there’s even more more to delight: sporadic
attacks of light displays, really big signs, plane spotting, exclusion zones,
motorcades, barricades, a massive media centre with food, random protests and secret
cultural activities will fill the otherwise deserted streets of Brisbane.
And in the meeting halls of Brisbane’s Southbank, there is
an infinite number of opportunities for Prime Minister Abbott to embarrass us. His
warm up efforts at APEC were impressive. He has admitted – proudly? - that he
told Mr Putin to stop trying to relive the glory days of Soviet supremacy.
TONY ABBOTT: "One of the points I tried to make to Putin is that
Russia would be so much more attractive if it was aspiring to be a superpower
for peace and freedom and prosperity, if it was trying to be a superpower for
ideas and for values, instead of trying to recreate the lost glories of tsarism
or the old Soviet Union."
You bet you are…you bet I am, Mr Abbott.
Cutting through the clarity of the G20 Agenda is a hazy
national awareness that this was Prime Minister Abbott’s best opportunity to
make good on his promise to shirtfront the Russian leader. Demonstrating his consistency
to a global audience, he failed to live up to his word…as you would, with an extreme 1.5%
of the Russian navy floating around off our northern coastline.
There’s also the very real probability he will shame us all
without saying a word, particularly as regards his favourite topic, climate
change. It will be hard to stay coherent in the midst of Brisbane’s heatwave,
where temperatures on Sunday are forecast to be at least ten degrees hotter
than the average for November. The biggest challenge in the history of humanity
remains stubbornly off the official G20
agenda; the untimely emissions reduction agreement by China and the United
States nothing more than a distraction.
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| Ittoqqortoormiit - pretty, isn't it? |
Luckily, Australia has plenty of coal, and Tony Abbot knows
that coal is good for humanity. He may just announce that Australia can save
the world.
Let’s face it: most of us will have G20 experiences far away
from the action. Even those of us who live just outside the Brisbane CBD and
Southbank precincts will stay away and observe the goings-on from a safer
distance – probably our lounge rooms. Without that subdued glow of national
pride, the little fizz when we recognise a local landmark in the B-roll of the
news footage, the G20 could be held in Ittoqqortoormiit.
(That’s a real place in Greenland, I think).
Earlier this morning, the Lord Mayor of Brisbane Graham
Quirk was on the radio, asking residents to brave the empty confusion of the
G20 weekend, and come to town to see the barricades and the media, pigheadedly
reporting on the effectiveness of the barricades. The fear is that the eleventy
thousand visitors and media in town for the G20 will see Australia’s New World
City – yes, that’s really Brisbane’s official tourism marketing slogan – entirely
devoid of life.
Lord Mayor Quirk’s fears were valid. Does the G in G20 stand
for Ghost-town?
Unsurprisingly, Brisbane residents have fled, and the
government must take responsibility for that. They declared a public holiday in
Brisbane for today, gave G20 delegates free access to public transport but
graciously allowed residents to pay full fares and at the last minute, offered
insufficient free parking. After saturation coverage of the massive security
preparations, why would any sane person go anywhere near the city during the
G20?
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| Brisbane, in her party frock |
CBD offices are closed, although the shops and eateries are
– optimistically - open. The multi-laned motorways out of town have been
clogged for hours with locals pouring out of town and into the Gold and
Sunshine Coasts and Hinterlands.
Those of us left behind in suburbia will absorb the
greatness of the G20 through the media. Yesterday’s highlight was Clive Palmer
phoning 612 ABC Brisbane to answer a quiz question. Today, Channel 7’s Bill
McDonald power-sweated through near-desolate city streets, looking for someone
to interview. He found a pair of kids who were most interested in seeing “anyone”,
and a group of buskers who were on a break.
Regardless of how and where you choose to avoid the G20, the
most important factor is to manage your expectations. Keep it real. It’s a
bunch of really important blokes – plus Angela Merkel and Christine LeGarde –
at a puffed up networking event being hosted by the Blunder from Down Under.
Gee Whizz.
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